


Trans HC

by kafrickinboom



Series: Voltron WLW Month [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Insecurity, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pre-Relationship, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Matt (Voltron), Trans hc, VLD WLW Month, Voltron WLW Month 2017, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 06:24:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11731326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafrickinboom/pseuds/kafrickinboom
Summary: So Kath wasn’t great with feelings. Whatever.Actions,on the other hand, Kath could read with unmitigated clarity.





	Trans HC

**Author's Note:**

> Just FYI: While I'm personally nonbinary, I don't actually know what it's like to be trans, so if I managed to sound insensitive or transphobic or anything, please let me know because that is literally the farthest from my intentions.

The day Kath realized she was truly  _ stuck _ in a faraway corner of the universe with no chance of going back to Earth anytime soon was the day she fell into depression.

See, Kath might not have many ties to Earth (re:  _ no _ ties to Earth), but some pretty important shit was back there. Her collection of old, beat-up journals her dad left her, little trinkets she’d picked up over the years that held sentimental value, photos of people that had mattered to her over the years like her foster brothers and sisters and the teachers who cared enough to really connect with her, and namely,  _ her fucking estrogen. _

She wasn’t prepared to actually leave Earth, and she definitely wasn’t prepared to become a member of a team who piloted alien robot Lions that turned into an alien robot warrior named Voltron, and she definitely,  _ definitely _ wasn’t prepared for being unable to return to Earth. 

Then again, how would that work anyway? The nature of being a ‘Defender of the Universe’ is that there’s no possible way to work on any kind of schedule. Shit comes up far too often for them to stop by Earth regularly so Kath can pick up her hormones. 

Okay, and for other reasons like picking their shit up, and Hunk, Lance and Shiro visiting their families, and Pidge… 

Well, Pidge clams up every time the topic of ‘family on Earth’ comes up, so Kath was pretty sure there was some tension between Pidge and her mother that she doesn’t want to talk about. Kath wished she could talk to Pidge about it, but Kath had never been great with emotions, and she was even worse with emotions not of her own. 

So Kath wasn’t great with feelings. Whatever.  _ Actions, _ on the other hand, Kath could read with unmitigated clarity.

She’d noticed the glances her way when they ate together, like Kath wouldn’t see those big, beautiful, amber eyes turning their way to Kath of all people. She’d noted the way Pidge had taken to hanging around Kath more lately, claiming she just wanted some quiet and that Kath was the only one who seems to understand that though Shiro was just as good, if not better, with sitting still long enough to enjoy the quiet (though Kath made certain sacrifices for certain adorable tech nerds). She’d noticed the flush climbing to the tips of Pidge’s ears whenever Kath drew closer than arm’s length. She’d seen that flush dip down toward Pidge’s chest each time Kath caught her watching her train. She’d seen the way Pidge’s curved lips popped open in pleased surprise when Kath responded to her sass and sarcasm in kind. She’d seen the way Pidge’s eyes flicked down to her lips and back, acting like nothing had happened but looking like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She’d heard the slightest of hitches in Pidge’s breath the few times they’d brushed against one another.

Kath also noticed the way Pidge would draw into herself when one of the guys or Allura would hit too close to her obvious sore spots with their questions and conversations about home. Kath noticed the way Pidge would contemplatively stare off into space until Kath laid a hand on her shoulder, snapping her out of it with a big, false grin. Kath noticed the days she’d lock herself in her room under the guise that she was just working hard on her upgrade schematics for her Lion, but would conveniently leave said schematics in the techlab. Kath noticed every time she looked wistfully at Kath from the edges of Kath’s periphery. She also noticed every time Pidge opened her mouth to say something or ask a question only to rethink it, closing her mouth with a huff.

And that was the weirdest part of it all- Pidge holding herself back from saying anything was a rarity to everyone else in their day-to-day lives, but it seemed to happen to Kath all the time. 

Kath wasn’t self-conscious about much (at least she wasn’t back when she didn’t have the looming threat of running out of her E), but Pidge’s reluctance to be candid around her like she was with the others was enough to make Kath’s skin itch. She did her best to put it out of her mind, but it was like a looping record of the same fears playing out in her head-  _ does she know? Am I already reverting? Has she figured it out? Does she think I’m disgusting? Does she hate me? If she doesn’t know yet,  _ will _ she hate me? _

It was the same shit every time. The same lines, the same fears, the same self-conscious tug behind her navel, twisting until she felt nauseous because of it. None of the others knew- not even Shiro. She’d begun transitioning well before she met him, and she even managed to have her guardian at the time approve of her breast augmentation surgery at 16. Save for her penis, she was pretty positive she could pass for a cis woman.

Her worst fear is that if the others found out about it, they’d find her revolting, or they’d at the very least treat her completely different, becoming awkward and stilted. She feared for the day someone would misgender her.

Sure, Kath could protect herself from attacks to her person with swords and shields and fists. She had a much harder time protecting herself from the emotional wounds inflicting by carelessly thrown “he”s and “him”s like throwing knives coming from her blind spots. She hadn’t been called a “man” or “male” or “tranny” or any of the other barbed insults to her womanhood in... _ years. _

What if they started it up again? What if it happened here on the castle-ship, where she was hard pressed to find somewhere truly private? She could take Red and book it, but she couldn’t actually  _ keep _ Red if she had to leave Team Voltron, and she couldn’t see herself voluntarily returning to a team that hated her for something she couldn’t control. 

Most would think Kath is virtually fearless and on some level, they’re not wrong. Scared for her actual life? Yeah. It’d be pretty stupid  _ not _ to have some level of fear for your safety. Scared about just about anything else? Not really. If she had control over the situation and/or had her bayard on her, she wasn’t too worried about shit.

Losing her friends? The people that had become some a pseudo family of sorts? That scared her.

She knew that no matter what she looked like, what she sounded like, that she’d obviously still be a woman, but still...the image she’d projected for years now mattered to her, and she wasn’t sure how how her pseudo family would take it when her biological family (except her father) took it so horribly, acting like she was some demon who’d taken over Jihyun Kogane’s ‘son.’ Nothing shook her so deeply as the day her family turned their backs on them just for Kath being herself.

Still, there wasn’t even any point in worrying about it yet, but the claws of depression had sunken in deep, dragging her down, down, down until she could see nothing but her flaws and fears.

\---

_ Three months later. _

\---

Kath had been acting really weird lately. Weirder than usual. Pidge couldn’t really put a finger on  _ why _ she was acting so strangely, unless- No. She couldn’t have figured it out. Right?

Pidge shook it off, focusing her attention on whatever Allura called the meeting for- something about diplomacy while Coran doled out culture notes for the new planet they’re headed to. She half listened, more worried about the oiliness of Kath's skin, the dullness in her eyes and the purplish smudges collecting under them. 

Once the meet was over, everyone scattered to do their own thing for the night, but Pidge silently trailed after Kath. When they were alone, Pidge reached out, her fingers grazing the back of Kath’s arm. Kath didn’t even jump, just stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, turning her head to look at Pidge out of the corner of her eye. She’d probably known Pidge was following her the whole time. She was always good at noticing shit like that. 

“Hey,” Pidge said uncertainly. “Are you alright?”

Kath tensed. “I’m fine,” she said tersely.

“It certainly doesn’t seem like it.” Pidge said, coming around to stand in front of Kath, tilting her head in confusion when Kath refused to meet her eyes. Pidge held her breath as she impulsively grabbed Kath’s hand in hers. “Come on. I know I’m not the best person to talk to about emotions and stuff, but I want you to know you can always talk to me. About anything.”

Kath’s eyes snapped to her own, wide and hopeful and...was that fear? Pidge frowned.

Fear should never mar Kath Kogane’s beautiful face. Well...Pidge is positive nothing could “mar” her, but the threads of terror woven into Kath’s expression made Pidge feel uneasy. It had no place in the strong, self-assured tapestry that made Kath... _ Kath. _

“Come on,” Pidge said again, turning around, but not letting go of Kath’s hand, actively ignoring the way it made Pidge’s breath catch in her throat when Kath followed without question. She ignored how soft the skin felt between the rough calluses built up from the hours spent with her blades. She ignored the way Kath’s hand gripped hers just as tightly as she gripped Kath’s. She ignored the butterflies kicking up inside her. She needed to shake it all off. This was about  _ Kath, _ not her hopeless crush.

She didn’t stop until they were in the hallway leading to their rooms. 

“Okay, so we’re going to one of our rooms and we’re going to talk about what’s bothering you because I’m not sure I can stand to see you look sad for much longer,” Pidge said, hoping her false confidence read more genuine. She glanced back at Kath, noting the raised brows and the smirk that would send Pidge’s hard to tripping over itself if it weren’t paired with downcast eyes.

“Your room sounds fine,” Kath responded, and Pidge subtly exhaled in relief. She just nodded, tugging Kath past all of the others’ rooms to hers on the end. 

Once in her room, Pidge released Kaths’ hand to sit on her bed, patting the area beside her (and trying her level best not to seem too eager about it). Kath followed more stiltedly, more cautious than she’d ever been around Pidge. The energy between them suddenly felt tense, and Pidge  _ hated _ it.

“So...did I do something to make you uncomfortable?” Pidge asked bluntly.

“No!” Kath answered quickly. Almost  _ too _ quickly. Pidge narrowed her eyes as Kath asked, “why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You kind of look like shit.” She winced at her frankness. “I’m sorry, but...you kind of do. Also, you won’t meet my eyes, not even now. You’re more tense than usual...around everyone. You’ve been getting progressively quieter all around. I don’t know. If it isn’t me, was it one of the guys? Maybe Allura?” Pidge asked curiously, concern written in the line between her brows, the corners of her lips tugging downward when Kath turned away from her. Unthinkingly, she took Kath’s hand in hers again until Kath hesitantly looked up.

“Please, Kath, just tell me what’s wrong.”

\---

Kath was so exhausted. Not physically; mentally,  _ emotionally. _ She looked back at Pidge who was frowning so hard, Kath thought she might even start crying and  _ shit, _ Kath did not want that. She wouldn’t know what to do with any of that, so maybe ripping off the band aid, finally opening up to someone would be the best course of action.

“I’m trans,” Kath said, and held her breath. Her tired mind immediately woke up to her admission, and immediately the panic set in. Of course, she didn’t let it show outwardly. She just turned her wide-eyed gaze from Pidge’s shocked face to the floor, mentally counting out how long her inhales and exhales were to try and circumvent any possibility of hyperventilation. She closed her eyes against the burning behind them, trying to push tears to the surface. She tried to will her racing heart to calm down, but it was a futile effort as the resounding silence filled up the room

After a ten seconds or ten hours later, Kath wasn’t sure, Pidge huffed a fond laugh. 

“That’s all?” She asked calmly, continuing when Kath’s head snapped up, eyes wide and unwittingly filled with tears. “I can’t imagine why  _ that _ has got you acting weird around us, unless…” Pidge’s easy smile fell. “Unless it’s because you thought we’d react negatively…”

“Won’t you?” Kath snapped, defensive and completely irrational, if Pidge’s reaction was anything to go by.

“Well, I know  _ I’m _ the last person to give you shit. I’m pretty sure if I did, my brother would suddenly materialize from wherever he is just to slap me for it.” Pidge shrugged at Kath’s confused brows. “He’s trans too.”

And suddenly, Kath felt like a fucking idiot. She’d heard the rumors back at the Garrison, had heard the cruel jokes some of the popular assholes had made about ‘Megan Holt.’ It’d never clicked that Matt could be trans. One, they were never really close enough for Kath to learn anything about him beyond the fact that he and Shiro were close friends. Two, Kath wasn’t the most observant of people back then, too focused on looking out for herself and making sure no one found out  _ she _ was trans, so...keeping an eye out for other trans kids just wasn’t high priority.

But, little things were starting to fall into place in her mind. The cracking in Matt’s voice that he’d brushed off as late puberty. The fact that Matt refused to take off his shirt in front of others. The frankly ridiculous appetite he’d had. They weren’t many puzzle pieces, but they were pieces that stood out more brightly now that she knew how they fit.

She ran a hand over her face, sighing, “I didn’t know that."

Pidge shrugged again. “Well, he is. Even if he wasn’t, I would never hate you or whatever just because of the fact that you’re little different. You’re still  _ Kath. _ Strong, intelligent, beautiful, stubborn Kath.”

Kath bit her lip. “Beautiful, huh?”

“Of course you’d focus on that.” Pidge huffed, rolling her eyes with a small smile. “Anyway, yeah. There are mirrors in the bathroom. You can’t  _ not _ have noticed that fact.” Pidge’s smile growing shakily, visibly ignoring her flush.

Kath tilted her head. “I’m alri-”

“I swear to god, if you start with the self-deprecation, I-I’ll… I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll let you know when I figure out  _ something _ to shut you up.” Pidge pointed her finger right in Kath’s face, as threatening as a small, soft pointer finger with a bitten nail could be, and suddenly, it was like the dark cloud hanging over Kath’s head vanished into thin air. 

Kath smirked, her eyes dancing over Pidge’s face as she leaned in closer, noting the whisper of a gasp. “I can think of a few ways you could shut me up.”

Pidge’s indignant face melted into shock, her lips dropping open with an audible little  _ pop, _ her eyes flying wide behind her glasses. Her hand dropped as she cleared her throat. “Um. What?”

“You know, you’re not very subtle. I’ve seen the way you look at me, like you  _ want _ me. All those times we spent together, I don’t think you noticed me looking back.” Kath tilted her head with a grin that wobbled as soon as it spread across her face. “Or...well, that was before I told you I’m trans, so maybe that doesn’t apply anymore…”

“What part of ‘I don’t hate trans people’ do you not understand?” Pidge asked, abruptly pissed. 

“There’s a difference between being supportive of your trans brother and being cool with dating a woman with a dick.” They both flinched against Kath’s defensive tone before Pidge’s anger refitted to her face tenfold.

She leaned forward into Kath’s space so quickly, so aggressively, that Kath flinched back on instinct. Kath hadn’t seen Pidge look this furious since the day Shiro ordered them to fall back while Pidge was trying to find more information about Matt’s whereabouts. And with Pidge’s fury came her typical onslaught of torrential tirade. “Good job, Kath, you read me right all that time up until now. Do you really think any of that was going to change just because of- what? Your  _ body? _ Your body is  _ beautiful, _ as we’ve already established. A penis isn’t going to make me love you any less. Honestly, your body means little to me in comparison to what makes you  _ you- _ your passion, your intensity, your confidence, your genuine care for all us, your humility. You’re also one of the smartest women I know, which is incredibly attractive.” She raised a hand at Kath’s dumbstruck sputtering. “You  _ are. _ You weren’t at the top of your class just because you could fly well. You have to be objectively  _ smart _ to achieve that status. You’re hotheaded and stubborn, sure, but you’re also one of the the most sarcastic assholes I’ve ever met and it’s  _ awesome. _ Your body is just a freaking bonus. We’ve already established that you’re hot.” And suddenly, as quickly as her confidence came, her confidence went. Stuttering, she turned her face toward her bedroom wall, “W-well, ‘beautiful’ was the term used, b-but-”

Pidge’s flagging diatribe cut off with a squeak as Kath jerked her forward, crushing their lips together in a kiss that lacked any form of finesse and gentility. It was actually kind of painful, smashed together so much that Pidge’s glasses dug into Kath’s cheek and Kath was pretty sure she’d accidentally nicked her bottom lip on Pidge’s teeth, but she couldn’t find it within herself to care when the air rushed from her lungs, drinking in Pidge’s gasp, delighting in the way Pidge paused only for a moment before responding in kind. 

The kiss was a fucking mess. Kath had never kissed anyone before in her life, too scared of what could happen if her partner wouldn’t like what was underneath her clothes. Pidge had told her a while ago that she’d always wondered what it was like to kiss someone. It was one of those times Kath had noticed those big, amber eyes flicking down to her lips, but Kath was too much of a coward to offer up her mouth for practice. 

Now, though. Now, Pidge knew exactly who she was without any real secrets between them, and she apparently  _ loved _ Kath, and- wait.

Kath pulled herself from the kiss, panting out, “you love me?” 

It was Pidge’s turn to freeze, tensing up so tight beneath Kath’s hands that Kath felt guilty for even mentioning it (even if it was  _ Pidge _ who said it).

“Oh my god,” Pidge breathed, closing her eyes in embarrassment. “I didn’t actually mean to say that.”

“Oh,” Kath’s voice sounded small in the quiet room. “Okay.”

“No! I mean- I meant it. I just didn’t mean to say it. Like that. In the middle of a rant. Before we-” She cut off with a huff. “I had this whole plan that if we were to get together, that I’d say it at a specific time, not before I could even ask you out.”

Kath raised a brow, beaming at Pidge’s shameful face, at the deep pink suffusing up to her ears. “You wanted to ask me out?”

Pidge’s brows furrowed, peaking up at Kath through her bangs. “Obviously. I don’t know what kind of girl you take me for, but I don’t just kiss people I don’t want to be with.”

“Well actually,  _ I _ kissed  _ you,” _ Kath pointed out, rushing to reassure the other girl when her face dropped, “but, I'm the same way. If the offer to ask me out is still on the table, I’d say yes. Just saying.”

And the resulting sunrise smile was worth all of the temporary awkwardness. Pidge sat up straight, her lips shaking in the effort to pull down into a serious expression. Kath bit her lips against her own smile as she turned, mirroring Pidge’s posture.

“So… Kath Kogane, will you go out with me?” Pidge asked, a breathless quality to her voice that Kath kind of wanted to hear until the end of time.

Even though she knew it was coming, it still knocked the air from her lungs. She wasn’t sure she could have something like this, and knowing that someone she’d grown to care about deeply (she couldn’t bring herself to say ‘love’ just yet, but she could feel it building) loved her just as she was was dizzying.

She still had a lot of lingering fears-  _ would the guys take it as well as Pidge? What would the Alteans think? Will they love her as she is too?- _ but she felt better know that no matter what, Pidge would be by her side.

With a bright, beaming smile, Kath answered with a simple, “yes.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Next up: f!Shklance, "Space"


End file.
